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Lots of Drafts! Learn from Burma-Shave!

Dad said “What do you know about a brushless shaving cream?” Carl said “I never heard of one.” Dad tossed him a tube of Lloyd’s Eux-E-Sis and said “Can you make a better one than this?” Carl took a look at it and said “Well, I can sure try — I used to be chief cosmetic chemist for the old Minneapolis Drug Company.” Then Carl picked up the phone and ordered the ingredients that he thought he needed, and about 3 o’clock that afternoon batch number one of Burma-Shave came off the fire. It was, frankly, terrible stuff. We had formulations on and off the market about three times. It wasn’t until we got to formula One Forty-three that we came up with a good, stable product. Actually we’d gone by it and were up close to formula Three Hundred, and then Dad discovered some of the old One Forty-three left in a jar and got a real fine shave from it. That’s how we discovered that, if you aged old One Forty-three for two or three months, you got a fine shave with it.

The Verse by the Side of the Road

Frank Rowsome, Jr.

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How Difficult is it to Write at the Level Where Your Work Will Sell?

Extraordinarily difficult.

Here’s a musical illustration that, every time I hear it, scares me to death.

“Because the Night” was written by Bruce Springsteen & Patti Smith in 1977. Reached 13 on the Billboard Hot 100. Springsteen wrote a draft, but, after struggling for four months, stopped working on it. His producer, Jimmy Iovine, suggest giving the song to Patti Smith. Iovine took her Springsteen’s recording and she finished the song. It became her biggest hit.

In 1993, “Because the Night” was covered by 10,000 Maniacs, with vocals by Natalie Merchant. It reached 11 on the Billboard Hot 100.

Do not watch the 10,000 Maniacs video. Just listen. It’s a superb recording. She can really sing. Their version has got a lot of strength and emotion.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYZv-o01Qis

The single most terrifying thing about making art is that, if your screen, novel, poetry, or song writing is only at that level of achievement, you have to keep working on it. “Really good” is not enough. “A lot of emotion” is not going to get you a check. You have to blow the reader out the back of the theater. They have to pick themselves up off the floor in awe of whatever it was your work just did to them.

What 10,000 Maniacs did was very good, but it’s a pale thing next to the massive passion and power Patti Smith brings — with fewer instruments. To get you where you want to be, your creative work has to be at the Patti Smith level.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_BcivBprM0

This creative stuff is in no way easy.

On YouTube, the 10,000 Maniacs version has 499,000 views.

The Patti Smith recording has 9.6 million.

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Know Thy Antagonist!

My son’s a writer. Go figure.

He’s made a living as a writer since he graduated from college. He’s a game designer, had five or six plays produced in New York and now, he’s got a novel coming out. The folks at Save The Cat! asked him to write a guest column.

Interestingly, he and I reached the same storytelling conclusion, separately. Know what your Antagonist wants. And, importantly, why does she want it? It’s the whole ball game. Everything good and useful flows from those two decisions.

I’ll let him tell you about it.

http://www.savethecat.com/novelwriting/know-your-villains

Please pass this post around to your writer buddies and your reader buddies. Repurposing his existing material means I just had my morning handed back to me and I’d like to help the guy sell a few books!

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MISSION IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND

Anybody see MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: FALLOUT?

Everybody told me it was the best one.  I was excited to see it and came away disappointed.  Disappointed and confused.  I’m not a dim guy but I had no idea what was going on in the plot.  None.

Well, there was some plutonium.  And two women.

Who looked EXACTLY alike!  Same color hair.  Same unusual mouth.  I didn’t realize there were two of them until late in the movie.  Imagine my bewilderment!

Am I the only one?  I mean, I was able to follow TINKER TAILER SOLDIER SPY and that was a plot and a half.

They kept throwing twists at me until I had zero idea which people were on his side and which ones were on the bad guy’s side.  Every henchman had the same build, wardrobe and facial structure.  The plot, or my ability to keep the plates spinning, went flying out the window fairly early on.  After that it was just a ride.  A fun one with cool chases, but story?

I imagined the studio executive reading the script, thinking, “What the hell is going on here?  If I tell ’em I’m confused, they’re gonna say I’m stupid.  I’ll stay mum and pray they know what they’re doing.  But, whoa, this’s like following a single strand of spaghetti through an Olive Garden-sized bowl of pasta.”

Who was the bad guy?  He or she or they seemed to morph and change and waver, like a wisp of cigarette smoke in a barely lit room.  Hard to see or remember.

And, hey, read my book!  One bad guy’s name was LANE.  Another one was named, I swear, LARK.  I never knew which was which.  I’m old and decrepit and have two feet in the grave, but please:  LA** as two characters’ names?  Why not LANE and LAIN, to make it more entertaining?

Oh well.

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the Book works…

Got this email from a former student, working for a lit agency in Los Angeles.

“I cannot tell you how many times I wish writers would have read your book. We had one submission where the character names were Simon, Sarah, Mitch, Mikey, and Emily. Needless to say, we don’t rep that writer…”

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Top 5 Screenwriting Book of 2018! I blush.

I’m happy to report that Your Screenplay Sucks! has been chosen by EzVid Wiki as the #5 best screenwriting book on the planet.

Best Screenwriting Books

Founded in 2011, Ezvid Wiki was the world’s first video wiki. Their YouTube channel has over 300,000 subscribers, 175 million views since its founding.

Pretty cool.

Tell your friends.

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Get details right!

Why do writers submit work that’s not as perfectly perfect as they can possibly make it?

I often see the wrong word being used. Literally, the wrong word. Just because you ran your spellcheck doesn’t mean you’re done. If your sentence is about a hairy beast, don’t describe his hair as “course.”

Don’t use words you don’t actually know. You would not describe a fortress as “adamantine,” even though the word sort of means “unyielding.” Don’t use words you don’t know. Especially if not one other word in your piece is half as brainy as “adamantine.” A person can have an adamantine personality, but a fort can’t. You’re not trying to impress someone with fancy words. You’re not writing an English paper. You are trying to communicate a simple idea as effectively as possible. Or, horrors, a complicated idea. Do not attempt to impress the reader with knowledge you do not have. It will only make you look like you’re reaching.

Or dim.

Not just use of language, but events that have no set up or moments that seem important that have no pay off. Or dialogue at the end of scenes that just peters out into nothing, that should have been trimmed so the page is as tight as it possibly can be. Or characters names that change several times in the course of a script. Details that may bump with a reader.

“Everything matters.”
Jack Nicholson

Every teeny detail must be right, or they’ll think you don’t care and will move on to the next thing in their stack.

I hope you’re not sitting in your nifty little writing space thinking, “Well, that book I just read or that movie I just saw was garbage. I can do better than that!” Well, that garbage got published or got produced, so it probably wasn’t garbage when they wrote it. The odds of something, anything… a thing you wrote, getting published or produced are infinitesimal, which means “very, very, very tiny.”

Every detail must be polished to perfection or your work will die a grim death.

Imagine you’re running across a windswept battlefield clutching your draft, racing toward a producer willing to read it… and charging at your heels, an army of Lord of the Rings Orcs, each with a finished script or manuscript in hand. They think their writing is good. You think yours is good. If you’re going to win the race with that river of Orcs, you had better take the time to get your writing as perfectly perfect as possible. Otherwise, one of those ten thousand Orcs will get a check, not you.

Some of my clients understand the degree of difficulty of what they’re trying to do. Others live in La La Land (not the movie!) and nothing good will ever happen to their writing. I’m sorry to say that, but that’s the way it is.

I suggest my clients use Your Screenplay Sucks! to do three drafts, which is how many it takes to exhaust the book. That may take as long as a year, depending on what your work schedule and writing schedule will allow. The book only costs $20. Cheap, for what you can squeeze out of it. Free, if you steal it! That’s a lot less expensive than my consulting fee. Do three drafts. Use the book up. Then send your work to me for notes. I can talk about high end stuff like plot, character, tone, structure… important things… not your misuse of “adamantine.”

I recently told a client, “Take you time. Read the book. Do the stuff you agree with. Get it right. Then send it to me.” He said, “No need. I’m ready now.” False bravado will sink your lifeboat. Ignoring my my advice, he sent his “ready to go” script. After I finished my notes, his pages looked like I’d severed my carotid artery all over them. When I sent him the notes, he was terribly embarrassed. Rarely are people able to judge their own work. He was certain it was ready. T’wasn’t close.

It’s okay to be embarrassed when it’s a script consultant. It’s not okay to be embarrassed if it’s an agent ’cause that’s the last you’ll ever hear from her. Never forget, you only get one crack at someone “real.” They’re hard to find. Excruciatingly difficult to get them to read your work. You only have one chance at them.

Better make it perfect.

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