Big Ideas!

Had a wonderful conversation on Thursday with Derek Haas, who wrote WANTED and 3:10 TO YUMA and seems to be writing every movie that is in development in Hollywood. He’s a hell of a writer and a delightful guy. He was terribly helpful to my class. I’ll be drawing on what he told the students for a long, long time in my teaching and in my own writing.

I asked him what was the best piece of advice he’d ever gotten. He went into an executive’s office and the guy had a sign on his desk that said BIG IDEAS. That’s the advice. Big Ideas. Nothing small. Small is a poem or a short story. A movie must be about something big.

That is what Hollywood wants. Something that can be huge.

They want franchises. They want a massive property they can do again, and then do again. They want the next Bourne, or Bond or anything with Angelina Jolie. So give them that.

A distributor’s expenses are so astronomically high that they can’t be assured of making money unless there are gobs of ancillary tie-ins, so you have to give them something they can brand out the wazoo. A little movie about little people having intense, but small conflict may get made, but it’s got a looooooooooooong shot at getting distribution.

Don’t forget. Getting your movie made means you’re only halfway around the track. To actually finish the race, it has to be distributed.

Big ideas. That’s a simple concept. Is your idea big? For that matter, is mine?

Rewriting Sucks, Man…

And don’t I know it.

I’m currently writing this blog to keep from working on my kids pirate novel.

Loser!

I finished the first (genius!) draft six weeks ago, and per instructions from On Writing by Mr. King, put the book away for a while. He’s right, I totally forgot the damn thing. My problem is that I like what I write, and so reading it was a treat and a pleasure. “Hey, did I write that?” “That’s pretty good.” A lot of self-congratulatory pablum, basically.

Then I pull out the crits that my friends did. And that’s when the scales fall from the writer’s eyes, if that writer is me. As soon as someone says that the main character’s voice is not consistent, I see it. As soon as someone says this is wrong or that is wrong, I see it and everything else writ large in flaming letters across the wall of my office, like an Old Testament prophet’s vision of doom.

And all I want to do is crawl in a hole and die.

Which is not what a writer is supposed to do. A writer is supposed to write, to improve, to fix, to cajole… not sit there and whine “but I thought it was perfect.”

Moron.

So, rewriting is the hard part. It’s also the part that separates the published from the unpublished and the wheat from the chaff, whilst I continue my Biblical allusions.

The first draft is fun. But the first draft is garbage. And it has to be sorted through and worked on until it’s polished and shines. Imagine a garbage truck… one of those big city sanitation trucks with that giant hydraulic maw at the back end… if they dumped one in your front yard, how much of the stuff that came gushing out would you want to keep? Not so much, probably.

And that’s the way it is with a first draft. And I just have to get it through my thick skull.

Pity me. I sure do.

Before And After A Scene

Here’s a simple little thing to consider, and I learned it from an actor… “What was the character doing before she walked in, and where is she going after the scene is over…” Sort of “where was he and where’s he headed?”

It’s a good way to look at what actually happens IN a scene.

Movies, in some ways, are so disjointed, with little scenes thrown in against another little scene and another one after another… that it’s difficult sometimes to keep the narrative flow going in a smooth and coherent way. By looking at where a character was before the scene opened, you can jog your mind to think of things you might not normally have thought of…

What’s she carrying? If she’s been to the market, she’s got shopping bags. That might affect the action of the scene you’re working on.
What’s she feeling? If she has been to a therapist’s, she may be in a really wonderful mood, or terribly down.
Did she just get some interesting information that relates to the story?
Was it raining or cold outside? What is she going to do with that umbrella?
Was she seeing another character in the story, and how did that meeting affect the mood she’s in when she walks into this room?

And, where’s she going… matters too.

–with props… she’s got to pick the dog up from the vet, so she needs her checkbook and the leash… which may come in handy in an upcoming scene.
–with mood… she’s going to see her mother in the hospital, which may depress the hell out of her.
–with plot… she’s on her way to see Oz the Powerful. She has to gather knickknacks to give him.

Etc., etc.

Where’s she been; where’s she going…? Simple little questions to ask, but asking can pay off with nice dividends.

It’s Not “Writer Proof”

A chilling line. Heard it last week for the first time.

Used to be, when I’d pitch an idea to a producer, they’d ooh and ahh about it and then say, “But…. it’s an execution piece.” That meant the idea was a great idea, but depended on the writer executing it beautifully in order for it to work.

Now, the line has shifted to “It’s not writer-proof.”

Meaning that, in order to buy the pitch, the film will have to basically shoot itself, without having to pass through some dumb writer’s hands who might fuck it up. Yeepers.

They’re not looking for pitches.
They’re not looking for great ideas.
They’re not looking for ways to employ writers…

They’re looking for stuff a writer can’t screw up.

And that kind of material, boys and girls, is few and far between…

How Are All The Characters Feeling — All The Time?

Do not forget what each person in each scene is doing and feeling.

It’s strange to read screenplays where the writer marches through a scene and forgets to focus on a character for a while… the scene goes flat and we lose that character.

When you rewrite a scene, do a little cruise around the room and check in with each character and see if you’ve left them “off camera” too long.

It’s worth it to add this to your “laser beam read” checklist (see Chapter 68 of my amazing book!) for your rewrite… “This time I’ll revisit only the murder mystery…” “This read through, I’ll only look at slug lines…”

“This time, I’ll see if I’ve forgotten a character and what they are doing / feeling for too long during a scene…”

Gives you something to do!

Character Names From Spam

Hey, here’s an idea!

Beginning writers’ scripts often have lame-o character names… can’t quite figure out why…

You wanna know where some really interesting character names are? SPAM!

Here are some names from junk e-mail that I received this week, and all would be good names for characters in a movie… why not yours?

Sandra Zendel, Jodie Lujan, Jo Hampton, Isa Dunn, Federico Walls, David February, Brett Warren, Sunshine Robinson, Rudy Nickerson, Tomasz Petersohn, Lane Hadley, Alec Frost, Annmarie Serrano…

Those sound like real names for real characters, don’t they?

Just a thought.

What Is With All This Pitching Nonsense?

I don’t understand, in the slightest, all this emphasis in the “I want to learn to write screenplays” universe on pitching. What is that about?

Why do people want to pitch?
Why do people think they need to learn to pitch?
I know why people who wanna be writers think they need to learn to pitch… it’s because people make money TEACHING them to pitch.

You are not going to pitch.
Not to someone who might be able to BUY a pitch.
You won’t.

I’ve had three movies made. I’ve sold pitches. I can get my agent to set a meeting and go in an pitch something. Big deal. Like they’re going to buy a pitch from me. I don’t know Harrison Ford. I’m not going in to sell a piece of material with Will Ferrell attached… so there’s zero chance they’re going to buy something from me. The business is HORRIBLE now and they’re only buying pitches from HUGE writers with HUGE ATTACHMENTS.

I did sell a pitch a year ago, but that was based on a true story and we had the life rights and a book.
But I can’t sell just a story pitch these days. I’m not Jay Roach.

And neither are you.

So the thought that someone out there who has not even written a screenplay is going to ever be allowed to pitch to someone who has the ooomph to even say “Maybe” is ridiculous. If they know your work and love it to pieces, you can come in and pitch.

Is it because people are lazy? Is it because they want to sell an idea and not take the time to do the hard work of writing a whole screenplay? Get real.

You are not going to be pitching anything to anybody real until you’ve got some real work under your belt.

It’s silly to conceive of anything else.

No Posts For A Week Or So…

I feel like Niki Finke. Sorta.

Headed out of town. May or may not have the time, energy, or brainpower to put out anything…

I’ll be back on the air in a week and a half. Or so.

Don’t desert me whilst I am among the missing… If I can figure out how to post from the road, I’ll do it…

The K.H. Rule Of Drama

The K.H. Rule of Drama is named for the former student who taught it to me. Teachers do learn from students, you know! I do not reveal her name here, in the clear, on the pestilent Internet, because she is from time to time Googled for job interviews. Since leaving my tutelage, she moved to Los Angeles, worked for a studio and then left the fleshpots of Hollywood to take up a higher calling. Hell, ditch digging is a higher calling than Hollywood. It has proved of some embarrassment to her to be Googled and asked at job interviews about the silly rule I named after her. So, henceforth, her name shall remain a secret.

Unless you buy my book, of course.

The rule is: Just when everything seems hunky dory, everything is so… not.

I’ve been watching SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE. The guys are trying to put on the play and several people are against it… there’s a big swordfight on stage and the people who are against the play enjoy the theatricality of the fight and are, by the end, joyously for the play. They retire next door to the tavern for hilarity and libation. Intercut with a guy running through the town. In the tavern, everyone is happy because they think all their problems have been solved. Will Shakespeare, having a drink with the love of his life, Viola de Lesseps, gives his former enemy, Hugh Fennyman, a part in the play, solving a huge problem. Cut to the guy running, meanwhile Fennyman announces that he’s going to play a part… everyone is in a jolly, jolly mood. Everything seems hunky dory.

Then Philip Henslowe asks Will what the ending of the play is and he says he doesn’t know… “Let us have pirates, clowns, or we shall send you back to Stratford to your wife…” OOOPS. Horrible. Buzz kill of major proportions, since Viola de Lesseps, his beloved, doesn’t know Will is marred. She runs out, furious and hurt. Will feels terrible, awful, ghastly. Then, they top it.

The stygian mood is made much worse when the running man runs in and announces that Christopher Marlowe is dead, stabbed to death in a tavern. Will, in agony, blames himself and says, “What have I done?”

Gay, bumptious hilarity to death on a cracker in twenty or so seconds.

Check out the children’s book Holes. If you haven’t read it, you should. Stanley, the hero, and his friend Zero, have been hiding out in the desert and hatch a plan to find the buried treasure. At night, they sneak back to where everyone has been digging five foot deep holes for eons… and sneak into the hole that Stanley dug a couple of weeks ago… the one that he thinks is the one the treasure is in… and they dig and dig and then they FIND IT! Talk about hunky dory: it’s the happiest moment in the entire book… and guess what happens… “Suddenly, a bright light was shining in his face. ‘Thank you,’ said the Warden. ‘You boys have been a big help.’” So not hunky dory.

Give a look to RACHEL GETTING MARRIED. Fantastic example of the hunky dory rule… In the kitchen, a great scene of high family hilarity. A scene none of us has ever watched before… a dishwasher loading contest! Ever witnessed a dishwasher loading contest? I’ll bet not. But when you see it in this film, you certainly believe that this family is well versed in dishwasher loading contests. Father against future son-in-law… a battle of the wits, pitting one plate-stuffing technique against another. And everyone laughs and is having a GREAT time. And suddenly somebody pulls out the children’s bowl that belonged to the dead kid and they all look at it… and look at it… and hate the Anne Hathaway character for what she did in the past… and they mourn again… and it brings everybody down like a pregnant pole vaulter.

The K.H. Rule rules!

Tote That Barge, Lift That Bale

Your characters must earn what you give them.

For every moment in your outline or script where your hero finds out something, is given something or accomplishes a task… ask yourself, “Have they earned it?” If it is unearned, it’s worthless. At least 95% of the time. There’s an exception to everything.

The hero can’t meet a girl and have her fall in love with him seconds after meeting him. The hero has to ask her out and be charming and eventually earn that love… and then lose it… and then work really hard to get it back.

The private detective can’t “realize” Mrs. Frekelson is actually a spy… he has to work hard and find clues and do things to figure out that she’s a spy. Then, when the Ah Ha Moment arrives, we feel satisfied.

Coincidence is not a good idea. Your intrepid high school math whiz heroine can’t just find the missing scrapbook by the side of the road… she has to work to find it. She has to struggle. You can’t just give it to her.

I find that writers often have “stuff happen” because it’s needed to shove the plot forward. Stuff can only happen if it works for the story and the character. You can’t be the Puppetmaster, on high, making your characters do things arbitrarily because they’re needed for your story to work.

Looking at every step of the story and asking, “Did she earn this boon I just gave her?” is a good question to ask, at least on one pass through your work.

Look at the news. Ha ha. White collar criminals don’t get to go to jail because they did one thing wrong. They have to REALLY have done something wrong to land a room at government expense. Look how many things those guys have to do over and over and over before anybody prosecutes them. They have to earn it.