Just found this sentence in the piece I’m working on. One little sentence in a pile of pages.
The hope and fear that rip through Dave are heartbreaking.
It had slipped past several rewrites and then I actually saw it. And paid attention. Too wordy. One twist too complex. Too hard for the reader to understand… required thought to figure out, rather than the reader being able to just read it and know what it meant. Instantly. So, I fixed it.
Hope and fear rip through Dave. Heartbreaking.
Suddenly, it became more active. Became more better!