One Line Of Description

I’m working on a script.
Rewriting. Naturally.

Came across this line:

Anne points to the head of the table, where an empty leather chair awaits.

In Final Draft, that takes up two lines.
Like most description, it can be shorter. Shorter generally means: more powerful. It certainly means it takes less time for the harried reader to read. Yay!

We’ve already heard Anne say:
You can sit in your father’s chair, you know.

So, you don’t need this:

At Anne points to the head of the table, where an empty leather chair awaits.

You can also cut:

At the head of the table, where an empty leather chair awaits.

And that only takes up ONE line now! So much easier on the eyes. It all means the same as it did before. We get the same picture in our mind, too. Just with fewer words.

At the head of the table, an empty leather chair.

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3 Comments

Filed under Rewriting, Screenwriting, Uncategorized, Writing Process

3 responses to “One Line Of Description

  1. Flatmat

    Hi, i’m from Germany, and so I guess my english isn’t as brillant as yours. 😉
    But i’ve got a question. Is it really possible to built a sentence without an outwritten predicate? For my german understanding “At the head of the table, an empty leather chair.” isn’t a correct sentence.

    Looking forward To get disabused!

    • yourscreenplaysucks

      Yeah, it works. Certainly in a screenplay where you are trying for speed. It does not have to be grammatically perfect, but has to be understandable and smooth. It’s an odd sentence, but it works.

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