The VERY First Line!

I’m reading a script for a friend. I wonder if we’ll be friends when I’m done.
The first line of the script is, after a slug line that mentions the year, 1939…

It is 1939.

So, already I am nervous. (not what you want in a reader… you want your reader lulled into harmony and peace and gentle happiness at the easy-flowing nature of your prose…)
He’s told me the same thing twice, which means he has not taken the time to weed out the flabby prose.
He has two words in the first line that are not needed.

Those words would be “It” and “is.”

He could just as easily have said, “1939.” I’d have managed to figure out that meant “The year this story is taking place is 1939. That’s in the past.”

Perhaps that was his first draft.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “The VERY First Line!

  1. Ah, you must be difficult to be friends with! But, that’s okay. Every writer needs a friend like you! If you ever feel like shredding a meticulously-written screenplay, I’ve got a huge stash for you. Let me know šŸ˜‰

    • yourscreenplaysucks

      I have no friends. No worries.

      But if you want me to critique your script… if you’re happy to part with money, I’m happy to critique.

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