Logic Flaws…. tiny moles that can kill your work

Find the mistake:

We flattened as low as we could. They weren’t blanks. He hit his own jet ski twice. Great, the only guy in the town of Dalgleish who wasn’t drunk.
Ned said, “He can shoot his flintlock more than once!?”
“Yeah. Thank Colonel Colt!”
Ned and I frantically rocked the jet ski loose. A purple one was keeping us trapped. I gunned the engine and we shoved against the purple jet ski. A wall of water flew up behind us.
“How many times can he shoot that thing?!”
“Six!”
Ned and I peeked up, feeling safer.
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
Bullets sprayed water beside us. One shattered the windshield.
“Unless it’s an automatic.”
BLAM!
“I want one.”
As the gun went dry, we got loose.
I twisted the gas. Hard. Rolling halfway over, we blasted out of there, ignoring the “No Wake” signs. That was fun!

Took me a while.

It’s the word “loose.” The kid rocks the jet ski “loose” early in the scene and then, it’s still trapped and they only get loose at the end of the scene. Taking out the first “loose” made the action clear.

Damn book is 220 pages long in Times New Roman. That’s a lot of logic flaws to unearth.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Logic Flaws…. tiny moles that can kill your work

  1. Actually, at the second “loose” I stopped and had to refocus. I thought they had a sexfest for a second.

    Just a thought….

  2. Brett in Manhattan

    Rocking the Jet Ski loose from what?

    • yourscreenplaysucks

      The jet ski was logjammed with a bunch of other jet skis in the harbor… he had to shake it loose from the other skis. Hopefully the book will get published and you’ll be able to read the whole thing…

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